Anguish
This is Chapter Fifteen of Danganronpa: Anguish & Desire, Guard Time!. In this chapter, the students continue to struggle with the motive. Author's Note: I RAN OUT OF QUOTES FUCK In the end, I couldn’t fall asleep. Despite my body begging me to get some rest, despite Rai’s desperate pleas, my eyes couldn’t shut -- my mind couldn’t stop running in circles. My mind was all over the place. From the motive, to Rai, back to the motive...it’s going to happen again, isn’t it? Someone is going to die. One of my dear friends -- one of my comrades -- will die. And if it’s not a betrayal, it’ll be from the poison that’s slowly corroding our bodies. We might all just wither away... Oh what am I saying, it’s never that easy. Now I sit in my bed, my back resting against my wall, my eyes focused on nothing in particular (not that they can focus on anything...I forgot to take my contacts back from Sasada). But, what I can see, is the person sleeping to my left. Rai’s head rests on my lap, their eyes closed, their blonde hair covering their closed eye. Rai just looks so...peaceful in their slumber...gosh how I envy that. Being able to be without worries, if only for a little while. I can’t stop my hand from brushing the strand of hair away from Rai’s eyes. Even that seemed like such a hard task...I’m not completely out of it, though. Weaker, maybe, but I’ve not given up. I can’t. Not with everyone counting on me. As I look down on sleeping beauty over here, Rai starts to slowly stir awake. From a small grunt to their left eye slowly opening -- Rai wakes with a small smile on their face. Rai moans and their other eye opens. “Good morning, Ken.” As Rai yawns, I return the greeting. “Good morning.” “Is it time to get up yet?” “I don’t think so.” “Well, can we go back to sleep--” As Rai’s eyes begin to close again, a knock is heard on my door. And, it wasn’t just a normal knock...there was some kind of pain to it. Whether it be how many knocks, or the force behind them...the pit in my stomach tightens. Rai yawns again. “Who is it? Nakata?” “I don’t know,” I say, looking to my door. “I’ll get it.” Rai nods, and picks their head off of my lap, and rolls off of my bed too, onto their feet. I do the same, and I slowly walk to my door as the knocking continues. I don’t know what I was expecting to be on the other side when I opened the door -- maybe Nakata came back for training, maybe Saishi was just checking in on everyone -- but, not this. On the other side of the door stands Sasada, in her green undershirt and sweats, tears flooding her eyes. Instantly she grabs my shirt, and, pushes me back against the wall. Tears stream down her face as she stares up at me. “Ken--god, oh god, we need help. I don’t know what to do--no one else is coming out!” W-What’s going on--?! “Sasada?” Rai asks, and she turns her head toward Rai. “W-We need help! Now--please!” “What happened?” I ask, and, again she faces me. “They just--collapsed.” “Who did?” That didn’t come from Rai, nor myself, but from a third party who slowly walks into my room. Nakata. Sasada pauses and shakes her head. “Obinata and Shimazaki--the poison is--Satoshi is up there helping while I get the others, and no one else is--” She’s losing her mind--what happened? “It’s okay,” I say, and I slowly place my hands on Sasada’s shoulders. “Let’s go help them.” She takes a deep breath, and by the time she’s calmed down, Nakata and Rai are already on their way upstairs. “Have you gotten any sleep?” She lets go of me, and quickly spins away. “What does it matter? I’m the only one with medical experience here -- as limited as it may be. I don’t have time to sleep...not with the shape Shimazaki’s in. Not with this motive going on.” Her voice is quivering still, and I guess that explains the breakdown. Sasada really doesn’t seem like the kind of person to crumble under pressure, but if she hasn’t gotten any sleep… “You should get some rest, Sasada. We can handle it.” She shakes her head, and begins to walk out of my room. “No--no one else can die. I won’t allow it.” I know what you mean, but, don’t kill yourself in the process, Sasada. So, Satoshi, Sasada, Obinata, Mio, Rai, and Nakata are all up in the nurse’s office, right? Where is everyone else then? Saishi and Nakamoto should be together, right? Because of the buddy-system? Yuka, Shiho, Shiomi, Azama, and Tomori though...I wouldn’t know where to even start looking for them--or, if I should. They probably need my help upstairs. But what if the reason no one’s answering is because the poison got to them…? “Forgive me, Sasada,” I whisper to myself, and I skip next door to the one labeled with Azama’s name. I give it a nice knock. Ten seconds go by, nothing. I go to knock again, but, a door opens. Not Azama’s though, this one came a few doors down from my right. Saishi and Nakamoto both emerge, yawning and stretching -- like they just woke. Nakamoto strokes chin as Saishi adjusts his glasses. “Ken-chi, were you the one knocking?” “N-No, Sasada needs your help!” “For what?” “Apparently Obinata and Mio both got really sick.” Nakamoto’s eyes widened. “S-S-Seriously?!” “That’s not good--!” Saishi exclaims, scratching his neck. “Let us go help then!” “Yeah,” I say. “I was going to make sure the others were alright, but no one’s answering their doors--” As if on cue, the door in front of me creaks open, and a blonde-haired, green-eyes girl stumbles into the hallway. “Why are you knocking so much, Ku-chan? It’s really, like, really early!” Her blonde hair is messy, and she’s yawning as she closes her door behind her. “Ah, you don’t have your contacts in. Yeah dude, it’s only, like, five in the morning. The only time it’s acceptable to be up so early is if someone’s dying,” she pauses, and looks from me, to Nakamoto and Saishi. “No one’s dying, right?” I didn’t have anything to say--well, I didn’t have to say anything, because diagonally from Azama’s room, another door opens. And, out stumbles her. Yuka, with her skin a scary pale, comes limping out of her room toward us. She walks slow, and, her arms are cradling a stuffed bear. “Big Brother Ken, is that you?” “Yuka…?” That’s all that left my mouth before one of her eyes turns a scary red, and a small line of blood slithers down her cheek. “I don’t feel so good.” “Ohmygod,” was all Azama could say, as she cups her hands over her mouth. I slowly make the move toward Yuka who continues to stumble her way toward us. Is this what happened to me? Is this what happens when the poison takes over? Once I meet Yuka halfway, she finally gives up and falls into my arms. Her pink hair covers her head, and I slowly put my hand on the back of her head. “W-We need to get her upstairs immediately,” Nakamoto nearly shrieks, running toward us. “No running in the halls--it’s dangerous!” Saishi calls after him. “I’ll take her,” I say, waving off Nakamoto reaches me. “Make sure that everyone else is okay, please--” Nakamoto nods, and I hoist Yuka up over my shoulder--god am I grateful she’s like ten pounds. If this was anyone else, I’d never be able to get them off the ground. With Azama, Nakamoto, and Saishi banging on the doors behind me, I take off running with Yuka over my shoulder. I don’t think I’ve ever run as fast as I have in my entire life. I just have to get Yuka to Sasada, and she’ll be able to help her. That’s all I have to do. After going up the stairs that leads to the Nurse’s Office, Satoshi was waiting for me with a pair of gloves on. “Ken, is it because of the...?” “Yes.” He nods, and, leads me into the Nurse’s Office, and after putting Yuka on the closest bed, Sasada immediately jumps in between us with a bottle of water. Yuka’s now unconscious, her lips quivering, and blood staining her cheek. She looks dead. “Is she gonna--” “Probably,” Sasada mumbles, waving me off. “Can you please go stand guard with Satoshi, or, something? It’s getting too crowded in here already and it’s making me anxious.” I nod, and, I back away from Sasada, and look to the other beds. Nakata is cleaning blood off of Mio’s throat, and, Rai is sitting on the edge of the bed next to Obinata’s, carefully watching him. Gosh, what is happening anymore--are we all gonna--? Satoshi takes my hand in his, and begins dragging me out of the office. “C’mon, Ken.” I reluctantly follow him outside, and after closing the door behind me, he falls to his knees. “Scary, right?” “Are you okay…?” He nods, and sits against the wall. “Compared to those three, I’m golden. I’m just a little nervous, y’know? Everyone’s getting so sick, and--” I sit beside him. “I just don’t want anyone else to get hurt.” “Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do right now, except rely on Sasada to save them.” But...is it okay to push everything on her? “I guess,” I say, frowning. “It’s also, like--” “You’re nervous about her?” I nod, and he chuckles. “Me too. Yesterday when she went to get some ‘sleep’ I caught her peeking her head through the door to make sure nothing happened to you or Shimazaki.” “She’s just gonna overwork herself to death at this rate.” “Well, good luck convincing her of that. She’d rather die than sleep.” Still… “Ken-chi, Satoshi-chi!” Nakamoto’s loud voice echoes in my brain, and when I look up, I’m greeted by the faces of the three others who had gone missing. Nakamoto, Saishi, Azama, Tomori, Shiho, and Shiomi stare down at us. “What’s going on?” Shiho asks, wiping sweat away from his forehead. “I’m--I’m a pianist, not a fucking track star.” “Yuka fell too?” Tomori asks. “Is she okay--what’s going on?” “It looks like they’ll all be fine,” Satoshi says, jumping to his feet. “Unfortunately, no one’s allowed in to distract the doctor.” “But, Obi-chi...Mio-chi…” “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just how it has to be.” “So, what now?” Shiho asks. “What can we do to help?” Satoshi sighs. “Does anyone have a fever? “N-No,” Shiomi mumbles. “I’m feeling fine.” “Me too,” Azama says, and Shiho nods. “Nothing…” “So, there’s really nothing we can do…?” Saishi asks. “We’re so fucked, aren’t we?” Tomori asks, turning her back toward us. “We’re all so fucked.” “Don’t say that, Tomori…” I say, standing back up. “It’s true though, right? Unless someone kills someone else, we’re all going to die.” “That’s what it looks like,” Shiho says. “It’s a pity it comes to this.” “Wait, guys--” Azama puts her hand up to stop me. “Not right now, Ken. You know it’s true.” “G-Guys--!” Even Saishi’s pleas go unheard, and the three walk off with their words of doubt ringing in our ears. “I didn’t wanna think about it, but--” “Not you too, Nakamoto…” Satoshi sighs. “I’m sorry guys, but--fuck, we’re in some deep shit right here. I would never ever hurt any of you, but, I don’t wanna see all of us die. I’d rather two of us die then the whole lot, y’know?” “Stop saying things like that...nothing’s going to happen! We’ll be fine, and, no one’s going to kill anymore, because--!” Satoshi sighs, and Nakamoto looks to the ground. I probably make no sense anymore...I’m just… ...I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. I don’t want anyone else to die. “I’m going to go back to sleep,” Nakamoto says, turning his back toward us. “If something else happens, come and get me.” As Nakamoto starts to walk away, Saishi sighs and follows him. “We still must carry-out the buddy system!” I sigh to myself and sit back down. Satoshi is quick to join me. “I know what you wanted to say,” he says, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Do you?” I ask, and he flashes a sharp smile. “You’re just that kind of person, I guess.” “The kind that’s easy to read?” “Nope,” he says, before tilting his head. “Well, maybe. But you’re also just a good guy, y’know? It’s just something you can tell.” Satoshi leans his head against the brick wall behind him and begins to hum to himself. Satoshi...thank you. I think I know why you’re doing this. Satoshi and I sit side-by-side like that for, what seemed like an eternity. Satoshi was quick to fall asleep, but, I couldn’t force myself too. I couldn’t last night, I definitely can’t now...I’m too nervous. Yuka is --not just Yuka, but Obinata and Mio too, but -- in a lot of pain right now. I want to help her. Not long after MonoMech’s morning announcement though, the Nurse’s Office door opens, and Rai’s head peeked through. “You can come in now,” Rai says, and, Satoshi and I were both quick to enter the room. Obinata and Mio now sit up in their respective beds, smiling and chatting to themselves, as Sasada continues to sit by Yuka. “Hi, Greenie!” Mio exclaims, waving her hand in the air. “Hi,” I say, sheepishly smiling in their direction. “Should’ve known nothing would keep you two down.” “We’re too young to let some sickness keep us down,” the arsonist continues. “Right, babe?!” “Please don’t call me that,” Obinata says, sighing to himself. “Believe it or not however, I’m extremely hard to kill.” “So, you’re like a cockroach?” Satoshi asks, sitting beside Nakata in the chair next to the medicine cabinet. “A pretty cockroach,” Mio corrects. Rai giggles, sitting on the white counter. I take a seat beside Yuka, opposite Sasada, who holds an ice pack to the unconscious DJ’s forehead. “She’ll be fine,” Sasada says, rubbing her baggy eyes with her elbow. “She should wake soon, anyways.” “Some poison this is though,” Mio says, sighing. “You’d think it’d kill you in an instant...what kind of weirdness.” “Whoever is watching us doesn’t want that,” Nakata says, shaking her head. “They want to see us suffer -- to squirm -- it’s what they thrive on. They wouldn’t want us to die,” she pauses, looking to Sasada. “As for the poison...I know nothing.” Sasada sighs to herself. “You see, if it goes untreated, you die. But if we catch it quickly, it’s easier to fight it,” Sasada says. “The poison itself won’t kill you; it only causes symptoms in you that can kill. Vomiting, blood-loss, fever, all of this could potentially lead to death if you’re alone. With me here though, you don’t have anything to worry about. One of the herbs I’ve been growing works as a pain suppressor, and, one of the biggest problems with vomiting is dehydration. I can handle this.” “So, it’s not-lethal?” Rai asks. “If we’re exposed to it for a long period of time, that’s a different story. If we assume that MonoMech put it into the ventilation sometime after Tani’s death, then we still have a few more weeks before any long-term damage.” “You learned this much just from treating us…?” Obinata asks, squinting his eyes. “That’s quite unlikely.” Sasada doesn’t respond with an answer. “I just saved four of you. I don’t need you questioning my loyalty or where I stand.” “I wasn’t accusing you of anything,” Obinata says, shrugging his shoulders. “However, you are quite defensive.” Sasada takes the ice pack away from Yuka’s forehead and turns toward me. “She should wake soon.” “Thank you,” I say, and she shakes her head. “I’m going to go get some coffee,” Sasada says, turning to Nakata. “Can you hold down the fort while I’m gone?” Nakata nods. “Of course.” She nods in return, and storms out of the Nurse’s Office, closing the door quietly behind her. “That was sketchy…” Obinata says, looking to the ceiling. “Oh, pipe it,” Satoshi says, rising to his feet. “She just saved your life--what does it matter how much she knows about the poison? She’s trying to save us--!” “Nakata already said it, didn’t she? The mastermind wants us to squirm and doubt each other...don’t give in,” I say, grabbing Yuka’s hand. My eyes don’t leave her--I really don’t feel like looking at Obinata right now. “We’re not going to get anywhere by doubting our friends.” I hear him sigh, as Rai begins to speak. “Arguing is just going to make it easier for someone to betray us.” “Whatever,” he says. “It’s just a thought.” As Mio changes the topic back to something more fruitful, I can’t help but notice Yuka’s eyes slowly begin to twitch. She’s finally waking up, thank god. “Good morning, Yuka,” I say, and her eyes slowly creek open. “--er Ken.” “Yeah, it’s me,” I say, and she smiles as she opens her mouth. “Are you okay?” She nods, and, it isn’t long until Rai trots over to us with a small cup of water. They lift Yuka’s head up, and slowly pours it into her mouth as she continues to open her eyes wider, and adjust her eyes to the light. “What’s going on?” she asks, tilting her head. “Everything’s so fuzzy.” “Do you need anything?” I ask. “Anything at all?” Yuka shakes her head, and turns toward Rai. “I’m sorry for making you worry.” “No, no, don’t be,” I say, letting go of her hand. “I heard you did the same for me, so, I’m sorry too.” She smiles to herself, and slinks back down under the blanket Sasada laid her under. “You should be.” I scoff. “Rude.” “You’re the rude one, Big Brother Ken.” “And how so?!” She sticks her tongue out at me. “You start coughing up blood and then don’t even check in with your best friend when you get better?! Rude.” “You have a lot of energy for someone who almost died, you know that?” “The gift of youth!” “I don’t think that’s a tribute to youth,” Satoshi says, offering a nervous smile. “Sure it’s not,” she says, frowning. She turns back to Rai. “Can you cuddle?” Rai smiles, and, slowly crawls into Yuka’s bed. I turn back to Nakata, Satoshi, Mio, and Obinata who have all gone off into their own things, and as for me...I need to go find her. “Yuka, do you need anything to eat?” I ask, and she turns back to face me this time. “You’re not joining us?” I smile and shake my head. “I’m going to get us some breakfast. What do you want?” “I really don’t want anything,” she says. “I’m not hungry.” “Then I’ll choose, ‘kay?” “Fine,” she says, throwing her arms around Rai, who warmly smiles up at me.. I look back up to Nakata, who is now watching me, and I simply nod my head -- to which she returns. I rise from my chair, and, slowly make my way out of the white-walled, white-floored Nurse’s Office, and slowly made my way downstairs. When I got to the dining hall however, I couldn’t help but be dumbfounded. Inside the dining hall, Tomori and Azama sits together, eating breakfast, but, aside from them, it’s empty. “Hey, Rabbit, what’s up?” Tomori asks, as I slowly made my way toward them. “Got hungry?” “Have you guys seen Sasada?” Azama tilts her head, looking to Tomori. “Nope, not yet.” “Did something happen?” Tomori asks. I sigh. “N-No, she just said she was coming here so I went to ask her something.” “Check her room, she mighta just decided to call it a day early.” “Okay, sure,” I say, turning away from the two girls. “Thank you.” So, her room, right? Why didn’t she go to the dining hall like she said she was? I sigh to myself and walk out of the dining hall and into the hallway. The walk to Sasada’s room isn’t very long, but it was...annoying. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tired myself, and that I really wanted to just turn in for the day but...what if something happens to Nakata or Rai or Yuka? I have to be there--and, I’m sure Sasada’s feeling the same way. When I finally reach Sasada’s door, all it takes is a gentle knock for her door to creak open...which means, she left in unlocked? Wasn’t Yosano’s room also…? No, stop, I can’t think like that. There’s no way she’s… “Sasada, it’s me,” I say, and I place my hand on the wooden door. “Can I come in?” Five seconds go by, no answer. Then another ten seconds. She can’t be--no, she’s not. There’s no way. I slowly push her door open, just enough to peek my head in. And, there, sitting up in against the wall, is Sasada, her eyes shut tight. Her head tilts to one side, her one hand holds a small mug, and her other one waves back and forth. She sits with her back against the wall, and, a black liquid stains her jeans. “Go away, Ken,” she says. “I’ll be right up, just, I need to finish this cup.” “But, Sasada--” “Ken, please, not now. I just need this tiny bit of energy--” I hadn’t even noticed, but I had entered her room already, and I’m basically standing over her. She has these huge bags under her eyes, and her whole body is shaking a ton. “Sasada, stop, you’re pushing yourself too hard.” She sighs, and opens her eyes -- they’re totally bloodshot. “But, Ken, please…” “Why are you doing this to yourself? You don’t have to do this--you’re going to kill yourself.” She pauses, and, just shakes her head. “If I don’t...I can’t save everyone. I have to make sure--I have to save everyone,” she shakily brings the mug to her mouth, and takes a sip. “You saw how Obinata got, too--if I can’t save everyone, everyone will think it’s me. I have to make sure no one else dies.” “It’s not worth it, Sasada, you can take a break, y’know?” “How can I explain it to them?” she asks, and, the mug falls from her hand. “My older sister was the Ultimate Biologist. She’s developed stuff like this in the past--god, that’s why I know so much about the stupid poison.” She shakes her head, and, throws her face in her hands. “God, it just hurts so fucking much,” Sasada pauses and lifts her head up, and looks deep into my eyes. “I don’t know what to do anymore, it hurts.” Sasada...what’s hurting you…? I bend down in front of her, and she wipes away at her tear-stained cheeks. “H-Hey, it’s okay, Sasada. You just need to take a deep breath, okay? I’m right here.” She nods, and takes a deep breath in with her nose, and out her mouth. “What’s hurting you?” “It’s my head--there’s been this ringing ever since Obinata decided I was suspicious,” she says, shaking her head. “I need to go back up there, or he’ll influence everyone else. They’re gonna need me.” “I know they do, but, how are you going to be able to help them when you’re like this? You need to get some sleep, collect your thoughts, and then come back upstairs to help, ‘kay?” “But, who--” “Nakata and I will handle it, don’t you worry. Just, get some sleep, ‘kay? I’ll go get Tomori and Azama, okay and bring them here?” She pauses, and, shakes her head. “I need to help everyone--” “And how are you going to do that when you can’t even hold a mug anymore?” “I can do it, Ken,” she says, and, she slowly rises to her feet. It takes her a few moments to keep her balance, but she’s quick to flash me some half-assed smile. “See? I can do it.” I sigh, and look back to the ground. I don’t wanna give in...I mean, I shouldn’t give in. This poor girl’s going to work herself to death, but… “Meet me halfway,” I say, tapping her shoulder. “At least get some rest in the Nurse’s Office then. If anything happens I’ll wake you, okay?” She nods to herself, and is quick to lean back against the wall. “Can you help me get there, please?” I nod, and Sasada’s quick to lean into me. “You can’t even hold yourself up…?” “I’m just tired, okay?” “Okay, I believe you.” After bringing Sasada back to the Nurse’s Office (and, forcing her to actually get some sleep), I find myself sitting next to Tomori, who, has taken Satoshi’s shift for guard duty over. She has one of Satoshi's arrows which sits at her feet (which I honestly don't know how that'll help), and, we’ve been playing Sasada’s dating sim for a half an hour or so. Rai and Yuka both left to get lunch together, and Obinata did the same. Mio sits up in her bed, playing with a lighter or something -- I’m really not paying too much attention to her. “I gotta say, I’m surprised you’re here,” Tomori says, looking down at me. “I figured you’d have left after I came.” “Yeah, I kinda just thought that since Sasada needed to rest, it’d be safest if I hung out up here in case something happened,” I pause, and tilt my head. “I’m more surprised you agreed to guard duty.” She bites her lip. “Satoshi asked me...how was I gonna say no? The kid was exhausted, and, Shiho mentioned that he’d take my spot for the overnight shift.” “The surprises keep on coming…” I mumble, and she laughs to herself. “I don’t trust him much either, he’s got a stick up his ass so far I’m surprised he’s still walking.” I can’t help but laugh at her crude joke. For a model, you’d expect someone prim and proper...but not Tomori, she’s just like the people in my school. Tomori then directs me to the dating sim screen. “So, Rabbit, question: Should we tell this girl she’s fat, or no?” ...she’s got a mean-streak, though. “Always be mean to the girls you’re not going to date -- you’ll give them the wrong idea!” Mio, don’t egg on the bad behaviour please. “But what about reputation--” And, Shiomi’s character just called some poor girl fat...I don’t know how to deal with these two. I stayed with those two for quite a while, but after Sasada woke and continued her work, I found myself back in my room with Rai, getting ready to sleep. I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, removing my contacts, while Rai sat on my bed, twiddling their thumbs. “We’re very fortunate no one else had an attack today” I nod to myself. “Y-Yeah, we really are.” “We still need to be super careful moving forward,” Rai continues, and once I get my second contact out, I slowly emerge from the bathroom. “I’m nervous.” “And the buddy-system is officially down the toilet,” I say, shaking my head. “Even Saishi got so sick of Nakamoto he left.” Rai giggles, before sliding underneath the blankets. “Yeah, but, I guess we’re lucky Shiho, Sasada, and Mio are all upstairs together.” “And, we’re together, so…” “...so we’ll be safe.” I nod, and jump into my bed, next to Rai. “Why didn’t Yuka wanna join us?” Rai shrugs their shoulders. “She said she needed to sleep in her own bed or else she was gonna be super cranky,” Rai pauses, and closes their eyes. “Let’s just sleep...and you better actually fall asleep tonight.” I smile and turn away from Rai. “Maybe.” I didn’t want to sleep that night, though. I had this pit in my stomach that grew and grew as the night went on...I couldn’t help but think that something bad was gonna happen. But, my body was so worn out -- from the lack of sleep, from the poison coursing through my veins -- that it wouldn’t listen to my desperate pleas to stay awake. And, as I shut my eyes for the night, I really wished that I was just being paranoid--that I’d wake up and see all of my friends alive and well...but, I wasn’t being paranoid. Because when I woke that morning, I’d learn how right I really was. Category:Anguish & Desire Category:Anguish & Desire Chapters